priceless.

www.textsfromlastnight.com

630): Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.

(508): We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

(205): Do you want the good news or bad news first?
(678): bad news
(205): The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.

(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

(909): You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie

(201): i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around

(972): P.S. I can't hear my feet

(505): I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.

1. i'm not any of these people

2. this is terrible.

my list of heroes.

andy warhol

ash kalra

stephen colbert

quotes i really like.

when we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. but when we re silent, we are still afraid. so it is beter to speak. - audre larde

every person you meet is like a boook waiting to share its knowledge. at the end of your existence your life will be measured by the size of your library. - african proverb.

never apologize for showing feeling. when you do so, you apologize for the truth. -benjamin disraeli

i challenge you to think about it.

just think about it.

this is the kind of good stuff i get to learn in APALI.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggc88cWWlKc

writers block.

i feel like this.

all this college essay crap and prep is hard.

its kind of confusing, but i think i'm getting the general gist of it.

i need the secret life of the american teenager, stupidly enough.

do you know what beauty is?

do u know what beauty is?

this is what i believe beauty is. It is poety. whether that be something from shakespeare or spoken word (i am a HUGE fan of spoken word), then it really is within the eye of the beholder.

i believe this is beautiful because i understand it.

If You Want to Know What We Are
by Carlos Bulosan

1. If you want to know what we are who inhabit
forest mountain rivershore, who harness
beast, living steel, martial music (that classless
language of the heart), who celebrate labour,
wisdom of the mind, peace of the blood;

2. If you want to know what we are who become
animate at the rain’s metallic ring, the stone’s
accumulated strength, who tremble in the wind’s
blossoming (that enervates earth’s potentialities),
who stir just as flowers unfold to the sun;

3. If you want to know what we are who grow
powerful and deathless in countless counterparts,
each part pregnant with hope, each hope supreme,
each supremacy classless, each classlessness
nourished by unlimited splendor of comradeship;

4. We are multitudes the world over, millions everywhere;
in violent factories, sordid tenements, crowded cities;
in skies and seas and rivers, in lands everywhere;
our number increase as the wide world revolves
and increases arrogance, hunger disease and death.

5. We are the men and women reading books, searching
in the pages of history for the lost word, the key
to the mystery of living peace, imperishable joy;
we are factory hands field hands mill hand everywhere,
molding creating building structures, forging ahead,

6. Reaching for the future, nourished in the heart;
we are doctors scientists chemists discovering,
eliminating disease and hunger and antagonisms;
we are soldiers navy-men citizens guarding
the imperishable will of man to live in grandeur,

7. We are the living dream of dead men everywhere,
the unquenchable truth that class-memories create
to stagger the infamous world with prophecies
of unlimited happiness_a deathless humanity;
we are the living and the dead men everywhere….

8. If you want to know what we are, observe
the bloody club smashing heads, the bayonet
penetrating hallowed breasts, giving no mercy; watch the
bullet crashing upon armorless citizens;
look at the tear-gas choking the weakened lung.

9. If you want to know what we are, see the lynch
trees blossoming, the hysterical mob rioting;
remember the prisoner beaten by detectives to confess
a crime he did not commit because he was honest,
and who stood alone before a rabid jury of ten men,

10 .And who was sentenced to hang by a judge
whose bourgeois arrogance betrayed the office
he claimed his own; name the marked man,
the violator of secrets; observe the banker,
the gangster, the mobsters who kill and go free;

11.We are the sufferers who suffer for natural love
of man for man, who commemorate the humanities
of every man; we are the toilers who toil
to make the starved earth a place of abundance
who transform abundance into deathless fragrance.

12.We are the desires of anonymous men everywhere,
who impregnate the wide earth’s lustrous wealth
with a gleaming fluorescence; we are the new thoughts
and the new foundations, the new verdure of the mind;
we are the new hope new joy life everywhere.

13.We are the vision and the star, the quietus of pain;
we are the terminals of inquisition, the hiatuses
of a new crusade; we are the subterranean subways
of suffering; we are the will of dignities;
we are the living testament of a flowering race.

14. If you want to know what we are
WE ARE REVOLUTION!

email of love

Mrs. CG!

So I don't actually know how many parts I will send you, but I guess that brings the element of surprise :) I promised I would keep you updated, so HERE GOES:

I went down to SoCal the day after the last day of school to visit my sister. She had her Revelle College Commencement the following day, which seems almost bittersweet. Connie graduated with honors, and I am enormously proud of her but it is also upsetting that she leaves a school she loves a year early. It wasn't her intention to finish early, rather it was my parents who suggested it and ultimately decided for her in April. There are definitely pros and cons to the decision, but I admire her ability to adjust so quickly.

We spent the next few days touring around a couple campuses, and before we left San Diego, my sister took me to ERC's Language Studies building (which is beautiful, by the way.) I've really learned to love UCSD a lot more than I did before; it has a calm city feel to it. I feel that the environment is like the perfect compromise between Santa Cruz and LA (but not quite as busy). I'm declaring PoliSci for SD, because my sister has told me so much about the program and there's the perfect opportunity to go to UCDC, and I've heard it's a fantastic internship opportunity. I've had long talks with my sister and Cesar (you'll hear about him later in this email) about declaring majors. I think I have a clearer view on the pros and cons to both history and polisci, and my parents have agreed that I should alternate between those 2 when declaring. You know how I really wanted to steer clear from PoliSci? My sister had this reasoning: She said she has seen me go for a lot of leadership positions and get active in MV, VNA, APALI, etc. and she says polisci is the sensible thing to do. In all honesty, I'm really not the academia type unlike Connie (by the way, she's going for her PhD). I've always tried so hard to be scholarly by working harder, but it doesn't harmonize with me the way it does for other people. I either work hard and do mediocre in classes, or I work my butt off and burn out as a consequence soon after. She says she hasn't seen me excel in grades, rather she sees me excel more in applying what I know into reality. In some ways the explanation is flattering that I may sound more street-smart than book-smart, but at the same time I can't help but feel inferior than the other textbook braniacs around this place. Plus, polisci has a lot of networking (or so I hear) which is perfect for if I DO ever want to get into politics. But I can't deny the history aspect, which really shows me the way to research and write. Cesar said that whatever I do choose will give me a good base, but in different ways. He ALSO said that polisci in cal is focused a lot on Socrates and Plato, and I'm not entirely sure how applicable that could be.

SO. I also got to visit Irvine (very very pretty) and its ever-so-intriguing concentric architecture and Middle Earth. The Claremont Colleges were really something I didn't quite expect, just because they were SO SMALL. I walked down one of the streets and i ended up from Claremont Graduate University into Pitzer College (on the other side) and didn't even know that i had just passed by Scripps and Harvey Mudd. I got to see their library, which was almost like the environment of the Cupertino library, but all the books into congested bookshelves and spiral staircases smack in the middle of the shelves. Even though it was 7 stories high, I honestly felt unimpressed. It's not that they aren't good schools (because they're fantastic), but I'm just not sure if I can really feel a kind of connection with the school. I'm still deciding on whether I should apply to Pomona and Claremont-McKenna. I feel that Cupertino has wrapped me in a safe bubble, and I can't help but wish that I could just break out and expose myself to a more cosmopolitan society. It may be early to tell, but I just have this predilection for larger schools, because I don't think I'd feel like i'm moving from safety bubble to safety bubble.

Speaking of bubbles, I absolutely love San Jose and Mountain View. I've only been there a couple times, but i never really got to see the cities themselves. I got to take care of Mr. Hick's cats for about a week (One of them, Honey, is super scary and hisses are people but Sage is SO sweet and is pretty much like a teddy bear. Please don't tell Mr. Hicks I thought one of his cats was life-threatening.) I actually GOT to pass by downtown Mtn. View, which really is so congested with a bunch of eclectic shops and restaurants. ANYWAYS, I go to San Jose about 2-3 times a week, right in the middle of downtown. I've started to catch on the street names, which makes me feel so New Yorker-like. I was even able to direct Daniel (Stenzel) around the city until he tried to get back to Cupertino and we ended up in Milpitas. I work on Mondays and now more recently Fridays as well in the Alfred Alquist Building. So far I've worked on constituent letter and email responding on the Legislative Constituent Management Database. My director, Lorraine says that I catch onto jobs and finish them pretty quickly (all while I pig out on Sun Chips!) so I have 2 projects to do in my spare time in the office-the 1st one is creating a database for all the contact information for the Departments of Health in all UCs, CSUs, and Junior Colleges. This way, Diabetes Awareness pamphlets can be sent to the respective school, since Joe Coto is huge on health. He's also against standardized testing! I think I got the best office ever. I signed up for a state senator and for the public policy VNA project, but instead I was assigned an assemblymember and public health VNA project. I was initially disappointed, since I only get to work 1-2 days out of the week (because of summer APALI) and didn't get anything I signed up for, but it was amazingly easy to adjust to the schedule and I really love what I do right now. In hindsight, it may seem like I drive over just to do ordinary secretarial work, but I realized that there's a lot to learn in the office. There are random pamphlets and coloring books everywhere that I get to read, and every constituent letter requires a Bill Report along with it. This basically gives the Assembly or Senate Bill background information for easy access. There are such a variety of bills needed to be put in priority, and it's really great reading such personal letters about such a variety of issues that affect us all. And! I took the light rail for the first time! Instead of paying 18 freaking dollars every time I park in SJ, i just drive to Campbell and take the light rail. SUPER fun. and practical. and green. Everyone should use transit- I should never drive to another city again. :)

The highlight of work? Responses about the budget- particularly emails. Cesar (one of the people I work for) gives a big long sigh every time he hears the words "Governor", "Arnold", or "budget". I have read manymanymany emails calling Joe Coto a Marxist, Neo-Marxist, and the New Vladamir Lenin. People are so creative.

I believe I have the best balance in schedules. Because I spend less than half my week in the office, my Tuesdays to Thursdays are spend in summer session of APALI. Basically, this is an Asian American Ethnics class combined with a Leadership program. Intense? TOTALLY. This class is from 9:30-4:30. I read, annotate, participate in discussions, and listen to panel speakers everyday about a variety of topics. It's such a great way to utilize my APUSH knowledge (by the way, I should let you know that I got a 5). I've always been a little partial to taking ethnic studies courses, just because I used to feel that it blamed other races. Now I realize, that although it may seem like a "I hate white people" class, it's up to the person to see any sort of class like this in that perspective. Instead, this course really touches upon our American history, but in the eyes of Asians and Pacific Islanders in particular. I've always found it upsetting that there are holes in social science curriculum, but you're right- it is inevitable because there is just TOO much stuff to study. And because of that, I learned right off the bat that these are classes people need to take along with just ordinary history classes- textbooks teach us the Eurocentric version of an era; who won and dominated even though people may have declared legal injustices at the time. I feel that I'm really furthering my knowlege into something greater, just so I can see the whole picture. Each day is just as exhausting and as intense than the previous one, and it's a class that I feel like I belong in. On a more personal note, with just 3 days I've learned to cherish the class so much because most of the time I feel like I don't quite fit in anywhere, especially Monta Vista, regardless of hangout groups, class officer/ASB, MUN conferences, classes, and other various activities. But as soon as it's time for small group discussions, I can personally talk to my teacher aka intern whenever I want, and learn off from others in a Socratic seminar kind-of environment. People are interested in identity and history just as much as I am, which I really found to be a struggle throughout my sophomore and junior year. I sometimes feel that choosing a field of study that is typically considered out of the norm for MV is something that makes me feel isolated in a sense, and in some ways I feel extremely misunderstood and/or judged. Instead, being in APALI or blackle-ing (I don't use google, I use www.blackle.com because it's a black screen that saves energy. Did you know that the energy to power 2 Google searches is enough to boil a cup of tea? You learn something new everyday.) a random history event, or even going back to skim my AP/APUSH notes (yes, I still do, because a part of me has not detached from my ex-boyfriend, Bailey) just makes me feel a little more tranquil- almost like it's a sign that I'm MEANT to learn this stuff.

I'm pretty sure that I have given you quite a plethora to read (but no complexity!). I believe that's as much as I can explain in words as of now, but I will be sure to update you on more things to come; there's a lot of in-between details I have not told you about yet! *suspense*

Anyways, I really hope to hear back from you soon with all of your WONDERFUL summer break details and fiascos! I hope you're doing well and the sun is treating you nicely :)

-Cat

restart!

its time to restart.

i need to blog more. why? because i'm flippin' out. i'm flippin' about you-know-what-everyone-dreads-by-senior-year again.

its all that runs through my head, and it makes me upset. hopeful. capable. useless.

one thing i want to say is they need to stop playing games with our minds.

report cards came, basically. need i say more?

i cried. i moped. the whole shebang. it makes me so much more scared than i already am.

movie updates:

transformers 2: eh.

moon :). it wasnt bad at all. i wouldn't say spectacular (though some parts of it yes) but its was overall not bad at all.

up: i cried. and it was really good.

ever think back on your 3 years and think u did nothing but everything at the same time?

i think its so sad that i promise myself to remember things, and i dont. i don't care about superpowers, what i care about it remembering.

i forget what studying was like my freshman year because i now take aps. i forget the part of enjoying what i learn because a teacher helped me with that. example? mr. hicks from biology. he made it so much fun. i didnt have to TRY to like it, i just had a burning passion for biology.

apush, to be honest, was only a bit of that. i had to try really hard to like it, and it was fun. but in a very studious way. anyways, something that has been in my head.

i want to be a history major. or political science.

1. people need to stop giving stereotypes to polisci undergrads cuz its NOT TRUE. its a legitimate major, so people need to stop talking sh*t about it. it makes me like this >:O

2. history majors can do something with that major.

one of the things thats been really hard for me is others not quite understanding that what i love to study maybe isnt something that is the most popular choice. i feel people dont understand me for that, that maybe i've loved social studies my whole life. and didnt admit that i wanted to do this for the rest of my life, until now. i used to read stories late at night about greek philosophers and all the mythological stories because it intrigued me.

you know wat i love about history? you study stories. lives. its like talking about yourself and other people, but its not gossip. its actually about learning how to see someone in a real light, not putting abe lincoln or gandhi on a pedastal. but its about learning people. what they've done, how they have impacted each and everyone of us because they wanted to do SOMETHING. the ones who are the most famous were the ones who were incapable of fitting in. i dont think history is dead just becauase it talks about dead people, history is dead because people stop pursuing intellectual discussions and reading.

that reminds me. i think people should read. we take it for granted. think of all the people who are illiterate and would give their lives to learn how to read a title. watch the movie the reader. it helps you understand- it helped me. that and my sister being an lit major n all that really drives me.

anyways, my passion for the subject makes me the most secure, and the most insecure. i'm the most secure because i found something, i found something to read and learn and study and talk about for hours and hours and it makes googlesearch my best friend (guys, use blackle.com. its eco-friendly.) and i just read more stories. i make ush references to my parents to the point where they think i sound like a teacher. and ask me questions.

i love it to the point where i think i'm a steady relationship with the subject. i red until my head pounds with information. i dont know how to explain how or why i love it, but it feels alive. i didn't grow to love it, i just loved it. and somehow feel like history started loving me back, like one of those instant best friends except you never have to worry about loyalty :). it's natural to me, i may not be the best apush junkie and get a's on my tests (i've never had an a on a test, but i have gotten an a in class. weird.), but it flows in my mind for me. i hve felt out of place my whole life, and here i bury my head in the life of a dead person and his/her society and it feels like i found a place where i belong.