restart!

its time to restart.

i need to blog more. why? because i'm flippin' out. i'm flippin' about you-know-what-everyone-dreads-by-senior-year again.

its all that runs through my head, and it makes me upset. hopeful. capable. useless.

one thing i want to say is they need to stop playing games with our minds.

report cards came, basically. need i say more?

i cried. i moped. the whole shebang. it makes me so much more scared than i already am.

movie updates:

transformers 2: eh.

moon :). it wasnt bad at all. i wouldn't say spectacular (though some parts of it yes) but its was overall not bad at all.

up: i cried. and it was really good.

ever think back on your 3 years and think u did nothing but everything at the same time?

i think its so sad that i promise myself to remember things, and i dont. i don't care about superpowers, what i care about it remembering.

i forget what studying was like my freshman year because i now take aps. i forget the part of enjoying what i learn because a teacher helped me with that. example? mr. hicks from biology. he made it so much fun. i didnt have to TRY to like it, i just had a burning passion for biology.

apush, to be honest, was only a bit of that. i had to try really hard to like it, and it was fun. but in a very studious way. anyways, something that has been in my head.

i want to be a history major. or political science.

1. people need to stop giving stereotypes to polisci undergrads cuz its NOT TRUE. its a legitimate major, so people need to stop talking sh*t about it. it makes me like this >:O

2. history majors can do something with that major.

one of the things thats been really hard for me is others not quite understanding that what i love to study maybe isnt something that is the most popular choice. i feel people dont understand me for that, that maybe i've loved social studies my whole life. and didnt admit that i wanted to do this for the rest of my life, until now. i used to read stories late at night about greek philosophers and all the mythological stories because it intrigued me.

you know wat i love about history? you study stories. lives. its like talking about yourself and other people, but its not gossip. its actually about learning how to see someone in a real light, not putting abe lincoln or gandhi on a pedastal. but its about learning people. what they've done, how they have impacted each and everyone of us because they wanted to do SOMETHING. the ones who are the most famous were the ones who were incapable of fitting in. i dont think history is dead just becauase it talks about dead people, history is dead because people stop pursuing intellectual discussions and reading.

that reminds me. i think people should read. we take it for granted. think of all the people who are illiterate and would give their lives to learn how to read a title. watch the movie the reader. it helps you understand- it helped me. that and my sister being an lit major n all that really drives me.

anyways, my passion for the subject makes me the most secure, and the most insecure. i'm the most secure because i found something, i found something to read and learn and study and talk about for hours and hours and it makes googlesearch my best friend (guys, use blackle.com. its eco-friendly.) and i just read more stories. i make ush references to my parents to the point where they think i sound like a teacher. and ask me questions.

i love it to the point where i think i'm a steady relationship with the subject. i red until my head pounds with information. i dont know how to explain how or why i love it, but it feels alive. i didn't grow to love it, i just loved it. and somehow feel like history started loving me back, like one of those instant best friends except you never have to worry about loyalty :). it's natural to me, i may not be the best apush junkie and get a's on my tests (i've never had an a on a test, but i have gotten an a in class. weird.), but it flows in my mind for me. i hve felt out of place my whole life, and here i bury my head in the life of a dead person and his/her society and it feels like i found a place where i belong.